physics jokes

"Theory is when you know how it works
but it still doesn't. Practice is when
it works but you don't know why. In the
Department of Physics, theory and
practice are joined together: nothing
works and no one knows why!"

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What is the difference between a
physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and
sees a fire in the middle and a bucket
of water in the corner, he takes the
bucket of water and pours it on the fire
and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and
sees a fire in the middle and a bucket
of water in the corner, he takes the
bucket of water and pours it eloquently
around the fire and lets the fire put
itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and
sees a fire in the middle and a bucket
of water in the corner, he convinces
himself there is a solution and leaves.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to
stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to
cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens
to cross roads.

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There is this farmer who is having
problems with his chickens. All of the
sudden, they are all getting very sick
and he doesn't know what is wrong with
them. After trying all conventional
means, he calls a biologist, a chemist,
and a physicist to see if they can
figure out what is wrong. So the
biologist looks at the chickens,
examines them a bit, and says he has no
clue what could be wrong with them. Then
the chemist takes some tests and makes
some measurements, but he can't come to
any conclusions either. So the physicist
tries. He stands there and looks at the
chickens for a long time without
touching them or anything. Then all of
the sudden he starts scribbling away in
a notebook. Finally, after several
gruesome calculations, he exclaims,
'I've got it! But it only works for
spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

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You enter the laboratory and see an
experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

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Q: How many theoretical physicists
specializing in general relativity does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to
rotate the universe.

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Q: What is the difference between
Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons,
Civil Engineers build targets.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"

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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as
big as it needs to be.